Finding Peace in 

   Impermanence

Photo: Vijay Madan

Standing on the terrace, holding a mug of coffee, I watch the last embers of the sun sink into the horizon. The sky is ablaze for a moment—red, orange, violet—before it succumbs to darkness. The spectacle repeats every evening, yet it always vanishes, a fleeting performance in the grand theater of the cosmos.

Happiness is much the same. We chase it, revel in it, but like light, it depends on something outside us. A moment, a person, an achievement, a song. It arrives like a flickering candle, flickers more in the slightest wind, and is extinguished when the fuel runs dry. We forget that happiness, like light, is conditional. It is borrowed, not owned.

True contentment comes from within, from a resilience that does not seek validation from an unpredictable world. I have seen my students celebrate their triumphs, only to crumble at failure. I have seen lovers glow in union, only to wither in separation. If happiness is built on fragile foundations, it is no more than a sandcastle waiting for the tide.

And yet, darkness does not wait. It simply is. When the sun sets, darkness does not arrive—it was always there, just concealed. We speak of chaos as if it is an anomaly, something to be tamed, but entropy is the most honest law of the universe. It needs no justification, no permission. It is the silent architect of existence.

Even in chemistry, order is momentary. Bonds form, break, and reform in new ways. The most stable compounds are those that have made peace with instability. It is not a paradox; it is survival. I see no reason why we should not learn from this.

 Darkness is not the enemy of light, nor is chaos the opposite of order. They are dance partners, eternally shifting roles. When I walk through the ghats of Banaras at dawn, I see the morning light stretch its fingers across the river, reclaiming its place from the night. And yet, I know night will return. There is no conquest here, only rhythm.

What then, if happiness is transient? If order is temporary? The answer is simple. We embrace the impermanence. We find joy in fleeting moments without mistaking them for eternity. We stand in chaos without needing it to become order. We do not fear darkness; we understand that it is simply waiting for the next flicker of light.

This is peace. Not in holding onto happiness, but in knowing that we do not need to.

   नश्वरता में शांति पाना

Photo: Vijay Madan

छत पर खड़ा हूँ, हाथ में कॉफी का मग पकड़े हुए,  देख रहा हूँ सूरज को क्षितिज में डूबते हुए। आसमान कुछ क्षणों के लिए जल उठता है—लाल, नारंगी, बैंगनी—फिर धीरे-धीरे अंधकार में विलीन हो जाता है। यह दृश्य हर शाम दोहराया जाता है, फिर भी हर बार यह क्षणभंगुर ही रहता है, ब्रह्मांड के इस विशाल रंगमंच में एक अस्थायी प्रदर्शन।

सुख भी कुछ ऐसा ही है। हम इसका पीछा करते हैं, इसका आनंद लेते हैं, लेकिन प्रकाश की तरह, यह भी हमारे बाहर किसी चीज़ पर निर्भर करता है—कोई क्षण, कोई व्यक्ति, कोई उपलब्धि, कोई गीत। यह एक झिलमिलाती मोमबत्ती की तरह आता है, हल्की सी हवा में कांपता है और जब ईंधन खत्म हो जाता है, तो बुझ जाता है। हम भूल जाते हैं कि सुख, प्रकाश की तरह ही, परिस्थितिजन्य है। यह उधार लिया गया है, हमारा अपना नहीं है।

सच्चा संतोष भीतर से आता है, उस दृढ़ता से जो एक अनिश्चित दुनिया से मान्यता की अपेक्षा नहीं करती। मैंने अपने छात्रों को अपनी जीत का जश्न मनाते देखा है, और फिर असफलता पर बिखरते हुए भी देखा है। मैंने प्रेमियों को एक-दूसरे के आलोक में चमकते देखा है, और फिर जुदाई में मुरझाते हुए भी। यदि सुख नाज़ुक आधारों पर टिका हो, तो वह एक रेत का महल ही है, जिसे ज्वार-भाटा कभी भी बहा सकता है।

और फिर भी, अंधकार को प्रतीक्षा करने की आवश्यकता नहीं पड़ती। यह तो बस होता है। जब सूरज डूबता है, तब अंधकार आता नहीं—वह तो हमेशा था, बस छिपा हुआ। हम अराजकता को किसी असामान्यता की तरह देखते हैं, जिसे वश में किया जाना चाहिए, लेकिन एंट्रॉपी (Entropy) तो ब्रह्मांड का सबसे सच्चा नियम है। इसे किसी औचित्य की आवश्यकता नहीं, किसी अनुमति की भी नहीं। यह मौन रहकर भी अस्तित्व की आधारशिला है।

रसायन विज्ञान में भी, व्यवस्था (Order) क्षणिक होती है। अणु आपस में जुड़ते हैं, टूटते हैं और फिर नए रूप में बनते हैं। सबसे स्थिर यौगिक वे होते हैं, जिन्होंने अस्थिरता से समझौता कर लिया है। यह विरोधाभास नहीं है, यह अस्तित्व की सच्चाई है। हमें भी इसे सीखने में संकोच क्यों हो?

अंधकार प्रकाश का शत्रु नहीं है, और न ही अराजकता व्यवस्था की विरोधी है। वे नृत्य के साथी हैं, जो निरंतर अपनी भूमिकाएँ बदलते रहते हैं। जब मैं सुबह बनारस के घाटों से गुजरता हूँ, तो देखता हूँ कि सूरज की पहली किरणें धीरे-धीरे गंगा के जल पर फैलने लगती हैं, रात से अपना स्थान पुनः प्राप्त करती हुई। फिर भी, मैं जानता हूँ कि रात फिर लौटेगी। यहाँ कोई विजय नहीं है, केवल लय (Rhythm) है।

तो फिर, यदि सुख क्षणिक है? यदि व्यवस्था अस्थायी है? उत्तर सरल है। हम इस नश्वरता को स्वीकार करते हैं। हम क्षणभंगुर सुख में आनंद लेते हैं, बिना इसे अनंत समझे। हम अराजकता में खड़े होते हैं, बिना उसे व्यवस्था में बदलने की आवश्यकता महसूस किए। हम अंधकार से डरते नहीं, बल्कि समझते हैं कि यह केवल अगले प्रकाश की प्रतीक्षा कर रहा है।

यही सच्ची शांति है—सुख को पकड़ने में नहीं, बल्कि इस समझ में कि हमें उसे पकड़ने की आवश्यकता ही नहीं।

 https://youtu.be/W_7Ux1kmMIw?si=-vunqMpkzm18lkP3

Reflections on Water,    

    Shadows in Life

 

Photo: Vijay

Vijay had always been a man of routine. Every morning at 3:30 AM, his alarm rang, gently nudging him out of bed for his daily walk. It was not the kind of walk where his body or mind was truly conscious of each step; instead, it had become almost mechanical, a habit ingrained in him for over forty years. But in this quiet routine, Vijay found solace. His Nikon camera slung across his shoulder was more than just a tool—it was his companion, helping him see the world with fresh eyes each day.

One morning, driving through the still-sleeping streets of Delhi, listening to a soothing bhajan, Vijay decided to head towards Lodhi Garden. The familiar sight of ancient tombs and blooming flowers always brought him peace. As he entered the garden, he saw an old acquaintance, Hukum Singh, the gardener. They exchanged pleasantries, and Hukum Singh, knowing Vijay’s love for photography, invited him to a secluded area—one not open to the public.

“This is for those who admire the beauty of nature,” Hukum Singh said with a smile, leading him through a small wooden gate.

Inside, Vijay’s breath caught in his throat. Before him lay a tranquil pond, its surface dotted with lotus flowers of every color imaginable—white, red, pink, blue, and yellow. The early morning sunlight kissed the petals, making them glow as if they held secrets from the universe. It was mesmerizing. Vijay stood still, wordless, as he absorbed the beauty around him. He felt something stir deep within—a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He was thoughtless, present, simply being.

Vijay raised his camera, focusing on a particular lotus flower with delicate yellow and orange petals. The reflection of the flower in the water was so perfect, so clear, that for a moment he felt he was looking at himself. The flower, its reflection, and its shadow all converged in his mind, and suddenly, the scene became more than just a visual spectacle—it became a metaphor for his life.

The Lotus and His Life

As Vijay clicked the shutter, capturing the image of the lotus and its reflection, he began to reflect on his own journey. The lotus flower, growing tall and beautiful amidst murky water, was a perfect representation of his life. He had always believed that the lotus did not merely rise above the mud—it chose only the elements it needed for growth, leaving the rest behind. That was how Vijay had lived—extracting only what he needed from the chaos of the world, rising above the mess and the noise.

But what about the reflection? As he looked at the still water, the image of the flower was inverted but just as beautiful. It reminded Vijay of how others saw him—an image projected into the world, a version of himself that people admired but didn’t fully understand. He had been a successful teacher, a disciplined intellectual, and to the world, that was who he was. Yet, that reflection was only part of his truth.

Beneath the surface, like the murky water of the pond, lay the unspoken parts of his life—his insecurities, his fears, the shadow of his being. This shadow had followed him throughout his life, but he had always ignored it, preferring to focus on the external success, the achievements, the accolades. But as he looked at the shadow of the lotus on the water, he realized something profound: the shadow was just as important as the reflection and the flower itself. It gave depth to the light, meaning to the brilliance.

Shadows of the Past

As the morning sun climbed higher, Vijay’s thoughts drifted to his past. He had spent years chasing success, hoping that each accomplishment would bring him closer to the peace he longed for. He had been a devoted teacher, shaping young minds, and he had made significant contributions to his field. But behind that public image, there had always been a quieter, more personal struggle. 

Vijay realized that he had spent so much time perfecting the reflection that he had forgotten to nurture the roots. Like the lotus, he had risen above the mud but had not fully embraced the murky water from which he had grown. He had suppressed his doubts, pushed away the moments of vulnerability, and focused only on the light. But now, as he gazed at the shadow of the lotus, he understood that the darkness had always been a part of him, shaping him just as much as the light.

A Moment of Clarity

Vijay sat down on a stone by the pond, his Nikon camera resting on his lap. The garden was silent, save for the occasional rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze. In that stillness, Vijay felt a sense of clarity wash over him. The flower, the reflection, and the shadow—they were all essential parts of the whole. He could no longer deny the shadowy parts of his life, nor could he rely solely on the reflection that others saw. To truly understand himself, he needed to embrace all aspects of his being.

He thought of the words of Jiddu Krishnamurti, a philosopher he had admired: "You are seeing what you are inside." As he stared at the lotus, he realized he wasn’t just seeing a flower—he was seeing himself. The murky water, the clear reflection, the shadow—they were all a part of him. The reflection was how the world saw him, the shadow was his hidden self, and the flower was the essence of his being, striving towards the light while rooted in the mud.

A New Path Forward

As Vijay stood up, ready to leave the garden, he turned to Hukum Singh and smiled. The gardener, sensing the shift in Vijay, nodded knowingly.

Vijay walked back to his car, his heart lighter than it had been in years. He knew that the journey ahead would not be easy—he would have to confront the shadowy parts of his life, the emotions he had long buried. But he also knew that the reflection, while important, was not the whole truth. The flower, the reflection, and the shadow all coexisted, and it was this balance that gave life its richness.

In the years that followed, Vijay continued his morning walks, always carrying his camera. But now, when he looked at the world through the lens, he saw more than just beauty—he saw the intricate dance of light and shadow, of reflection and reality. And in that dance, he found peace. He no longer sought validation from the reflection others saw, nor did he fear the shadow that followed him. Instead, he embraced the wholeness of his existence.

Just as the lotus flower blooms in the mud, untouched by the dirt beneath, so too did Vijay continue to grow, finding beauty not just in the sunlight but in the shadows and reflections that had shaped his life.

जल में प्रतिबिंब, जीवन में परछाइयाँ

विजय हमेशा से एक अनुशासित व्यक्ति रहा था। हर सुबह 3:30 बजे, उसका अलार्म बजता था, उसे धीरे-धीरे बिस्तर से उठाने के लिए, उसकी दैनिक सैर के लिए। यह वह सैर नहीं थी जहां उसकाशरीर या दिमाग हर कदम के बारे में सचेत होते; बल्कि, यह एक ऐसी आदत बन गई थी, जो पिछलेचालीस वर्षों से उसकी दिनचर्या में समाई हुई थी। लेकिन इस शांत आदत में, विजय को सुकूनमिलता था। उसके कंधे पर लटका उसका ‘निकॉन कैमरा’ उसके लिए सिर्फ एक उपकरण नहीं था; यह उसका साथी था, जो हर दिन उसे दुनिया को एक नई दृष्टि से देखने में मदद करता था।

एक सुबह, जब दिल्ली की सड़कों पर नींद पसरी हुई थी और वह अपने पसंदीदा भजन सुनते हुएगाड़ी चला रहा था, उसने सोचा कि वह ‘लोधी गार्डन’ की ओर निकल जाए। प्राचीन मकबरों औरखिले हुए फूलों का दृश्य हमेशा उसे शांति प्रदान करता था। जब वह वहां पहुंचा, तो उसने एकपुराने परिचित, माली ‘हुकुम सिंह’ को देखा। उन्होंने कुछ बातें कीं, और हुकुम सिंह, जो विजय केफोटोग्राफी प्रेम को जानता था, उसे एक छिपी हुई जगह पर ले गया—एक ऐसी जगह जो जनता केलिए खुली नहीं थी।

"यह जगह उन लोगों के लिए है जो प्रकृति की सुंदरता की सराहना करते हैं," हुकुम सिंह ने मुस्कुरातेहुए कहा, उसे एक छोटे से लकड़ी के दरवाजे से अंदर ले जाते हुए।

अंदर पहुंचकर, विजय की सांस रुक गई। उसके सामने एक शांत जलाशय था, जिसकी सतह परहर रंग के कमल के फूल खिले हुए थे—सफेद, लाल, गुलाबी, नीले, और पीले। सुबह की हल्की धूपफूलों को ऐसे चमका रही थी, मानो वे ब्रह्मांड से कोई रहस्य छुपाए हुए हों। यह दृश्य सम्मोहक था।विजय कुछ पल के लिए स्थिर खड़ा रहा, बिना किसी शब्द के, उस सौंदर्य को आत्मसात करते हुए।उसे भीतर कुछ हलचल महसूस हुई—एक ऐसा अनुभव जो उसने बहुत समय से नहीं किया था। वहबिना किसी विचार के, केवल वहां था, पूर्ण रूप से उपस्थित।

विजय ने अपना कैमरा उठाया, और एक विशेष कमल के फूल पर ध्यान केंद्रित किया, जिसकीपंखुड़ियाँ पीली और नारंगी थीं। पानी में उस फूल का प्रतिबिंब इतना साफ था कि एक क्षण केलिए उसे लगा कि वह खुद को देख रहा है। फूल, उसका प्रतिबिंब, और उसकी छाया—ये सब उसकेदिमाग में समाहित हो गए, और अचानक, यह दृश्य केवल एक दृश्यात्मक आनंद से अधिक हो गया—यह उसके जीवन का प्रतीक बन गया।

‘कमल और उसका जीवन’

जैसे ही विजय ने शटर दबाया, कमल और उसके प्रतिबिंब की तस्वीर लेने के लिए, उसने अपनेजीवन पर विचार करना शुरू किया। कीचड़ में खिलता हुआ कमल का फूल, जो ऊंचा और सुंदरथा, उसके जीवन का एक सही चित्रण था। उसने हमेशा यह माना था कि कमल केवल अपनेविकास के लिए आवश्यक तत्वों को ही चुनता है, बाकी को छोड़ देता है। यही तरीका विजय नेअपने जीवन में अपनाया था—उसने दुनिया की अव्यवस्था से केवल वही निकाला जो उसे चाहिएथा, और बाकी को पीछे छोड़कर वह ऊंचा उठता गया।

लेकिन प्रतिबिंब के बारे में क्या? जब उसने शांत पानी को देखा, तो उसे महसूस हुआ कि वहप्रतिबिंब उल्टा था, लेकिन फिर भी उतना ही सुंदर। यह उसे याद दिलाता था कि लोग उसे कैसेदेखते थे—एक ऐसी छवि जो दुनिया में प्रक्षेपित होती थी, एक ऐसी छवि जिसे लोग प्रशंसा करतेथे, लेकिन जिसे वे पूरी तरह से समझ नहीं पाते थे। वह एक सफल प्रोफेसर था, अनुशासितबौद्धिक था, और दुनिया के लिए यही उसकी पहचान थी। फिर भी, वह प्रतिबिंब केवल उसकीसच्चाई का एक हिस्सा था।

सतह के नीचे, जैसे जलाशय की गंदी सतह के नीचे, उसके जीवन के अनकहे हिस्से छिपे थे—उसकीअसुरक्षाएं, उसके डर, उसके अस्तित्व की छाया। यह छाया उसके जीवन में हमेशा उसके साथ रहीथी, लेकिन उसने हमेशा इसे नजरअंदाज किया था, बाहरी सफलता, उपलब्धियों और प्रशंसा परध्यान केंद्रित करते हुए। लेकिन अब, जब उसने पानी में कमल की छाया को देखा, तो उसने एकगहरा सत्य समझा: छाया उतनी ही महत्वपूर्ण थी जितना कि प्रतिबिंब और फूल। इसने प्रकाश कोगहराई और चमक को अर्थ दिया।

अतीत की परछाइयाँ

जैसे-जैसे सुबह का सूरज ऊंचा उठने लगा, विजय के विचार अतीत की ओर मुड़ गए। उसने वर्षोंतक सफलता की तलाश में खुद को झोंक दिया था, यह सोचते हुए कि हर उपलब्धि उसे उस शांतिके करीब लाएगी जिसकी उसे तलब थी। वह एक समर्पित शिक्षक रहा था, उसने युवा दिमागों कोआकार दिया था, और उसने अपने क्षेत्र में महत्वपूर्ण योगदान दिया था। लेकिन उस सार्वजनिकछवि के पीछे, एक व्यक्तिगत संघर्ष भी था। 

विजय ने महसूस किया कि उसने अपने प्रतिबिंब को पूर्ण करने में इतना समय लगा दिया कि उसनेअपनी जड़ों की परवाह करना ही भूल गया। जैसे कमल कीचड़ में खिलता है, उसने भी जीवन कीअव्यवस्था से ऊपर उठने का प्रयास किया था, लेकिन उसने उस कीचड़ को पूरी तरह से स्वीकारनहीं किया जिससे वह उभरा था। उसने अपने संदेहों को दबाया, अपनी भावनाओं को दूर धकेला, और केवल उजाले पर ध्यान केंद्रित किया। लेकिन अब, जब वह कमल की छाया देख रहा था, उसनेसमझा कि अंधकार हमेशा से उसका हिस्सा था, और यह भी उसे उतना ही आकार दे रहा था जितनाकि उजाला।

स्पष्टता का क्षण

विजय उस जलाशय के पास एक पत्थर पर बैठ गया, उसका ‘निकॉन कैमरा’ उसकी गोद में पड़ाथा। बगीचा पूरी तरह से शांत था, बस कभी-कभार पत्तियों की हल्की सरसराहट सुनाई देती थी।उस स्थिरता में, विजय के भीतर एक स्पष्टता का अनुभव हुआ। फूल, प्रतिबिंब, और छाया—ये सबसंपूर्णता के आवश्यक हिस्से थे। वह अपने जीवन के छाया भरे हिस्सों को अब और अनदेखा नहींकर सकता था, और न ही वह केवल उस प्रतिबिंब पर निर्भर हो सकता था जो लोग देखते थे। खुदको पूरी तरह से समझने के लिए, उसे अपने अस्तित्व के सभी पहलुओं को स्वीकार करना होगा।

उसे ‘जिद्दु कृष्णमूर्ति’ की बातें याद आईं, जिन्हें वह बहुत मानता था: "आप वही देख रहे हैं जो आपभीतर हैं।" जब वह कमल को देख रहा था, तो उसने महसूस किया कि वह केवल एक फूल नहीं देखरहा था—वह खुद को देख रहा था। कीचड़ भरा पानी, साफ प्रतिबिंब, छाया—ये सब उसके ही हिस्सेथे। प्रतिबिंब वह था जो दुनिया देखती थी, छाया वह थी जो छिपी हुई थी, और फूल उसकीअसलियत थी, जो प्रकाश की ओर बढ़ रही थी जबकि उसकी जड़ें कीचड़ में जमी थीं।

आगे का नया रास्ता

जैसे ही विजय उठकर खड़ा हुआ, बगीचे से बाहर जाने के लिए, उसने हुकुम सिंह की ओर देखा औरमुस्कुरा दिया। माली, विजय में इस बदलाव को भांपते हुए, धीरे से सिर हिलाया।

विजय अपनी कार की ओर चल पड़ा, उसका दिल पहले से कहीं अधिक हल्का था। वह जानता थाकि आगे का रास्ता आसान नहीं होगा—उसे अपने जीवन के छाया भरे हिस्सों का सामना करनाहोगा, उन भावनाओं को स्वीकार करना होगा जिन्हें उसने इतने समय तक दबा रखा था। लेकिन अबवह यह भी जानता था कि प्रतिबिंब, जबकि महत्वपूर्ण था, संपूर्ण सत्य नहीं था। फूल, प्रतिबिंब, और छाया सभी एक साथ सह-अस्तित्व में थे, और इसी संतुलन में जीवन की सच्ची समृद्धि थी।

आने वाले वर्षों में, विजय ने अपनी सुबह की सैर जारी रखी, हमेशा अपना कैमरा साथ लेकर।लेकिन अब, जब वह कैमरे की लेंस से दुनिया को देखता था, तो उसे केवल सौंदर्य ही नहीं दिखताथा—उसे प्रकाश और छाया का जटिल नृत्य दिखता था, प्रतिबिंब और वास्तविकता का संगम।और इस नृत्य में उसने शांति पाई। अब वह दूसरों द्वारा देखे गए प्रतिबिंब की तलाश नहीं करता था, और न ही वह उस छाया से डरता था जो उसके साथ चलती थी। इसके बजाय, उसने अपने अस्तित्वकी समग्रता को अपनाया।

जैसे कमल का फूल और कीचड़